I promise to take more vacations . . .

I am back from Cancun. Land of sun, sand, gorgeous pools, tequila and great food. I think I was mostly good; my serious over indulgences were on sun, mango margaritas and laughter! My friend Mary Ellen is good for my soul. This past week I have laughed like I haven't laughed in a long time.

I am so thankful for my friendship with Mary Ellen. She calls me on my BS, as I call her on hers. We both have a love of Bravo TV, Cracker Barrel, good food, good drinks, family and laughing until we are sick. She is the perfect person to spend time by and in the pool, talking, reading and sharing cocktails. She helped me keep pretty close to my diet and if laughter burns calories I know I burned more than I took in. I hope she had as much fun as I did.

We all need to give ourselves permission to enjoy life, relax and not take the whole diet/exercise/work thing so seriously. While I am not going to go off my plan to eat healthier and life a healthier life style, I am not going to beat myself up, feel guilty or allow others to make me feel guilty if I enjoy a meal or an occasional cocktail. The people in my life who truly love me, love me for the person I am, not because of my dress size or how many calories I don't consume in a day. If someone is going to base their opinion of me as a person based on my weight I suggest you look in the mirror and determine the real reason you want people to love you and ask yourself does Teresa or anyone else in my life love and want to have a relationship with me because of my heart or my outward appearance. I hope you know for me, it is because of your heart and how you treat me and others.

Life is too short. Before I left on vacation someone told me I needed to relax and have a life. "True that!" 

Thanks for all the encouragement and support. Blessings on all of our respective journeys!

Out of Sorts, Out of Patience, Out of Breath & Out of My Mind

It has been a while since I've posted on my blog. I have been a little out of sorts lately. I have had a cough for the past three weeks that sounds like a very angry dog. I love living in the Ohio River Valley during the fall! Work has been busy and I spend most days at my desk working through lunch. Not a good combination. Between the cough, work and shortness of breath I haven't been working out other than some yoga since my last post.

Things that have happened over the past two weeks has really pushed my patience to the limits. Inconsiderate rude people have jumped all over my last nerve. Have you ever been so angry that you literally can't see? I had a situation that pushed me to that place; I don't like the person I became when I was pushed to that point. I have made the choice to stay away from the person that pushes me to that point as much as possible. Thankfully, this person did not push me to the point of massive consumption of chocolate! Close, but I resisted.

I have seen my internist and will be keeping a food journal until I see him at the end of this month. I'm sure most of you who saw my check in at Tom + Chee are wondering about my lunch of grilled cheese with bacon and crushed Grippo's BBQ chips. While it isn't the healthiest of lunches there are worse things I could eat. It isn't something I eat every day. I have been very good with my food choices, drinking my water and staying away from my nemesis candy!

I am leaving on vacation tomorrow. Will I drive myself crazy counting every calorie while I'm away? Probably not, afterall I'm human, not perfect. Keeping a diary is another way of holding myself accountable. All in all I'm happy with my slow progress of 11 pounds down since I started this journey.

As for being out of my mind, my very best friend in the world has taken a job out of the country. It has been a very stressful and sad time for both of us. It is really hard to get use to not talking to this special person in my life every day. My friend is the person whose opinion I value, advice I trust and who makes me laugh when no one else can. My friend is adjusting to the new job and culture. Looking at it as a new adventure helps. My grandbabies sweet faces have put the smile on my face so I won't look old before my time. It is true, grandchildren keep you young!

So, keep me in your thoughts and prayers. When I'm walking on the beach I will be thankful for the time off to recharge my batteries, improve my attitude and hopefully lose a few more pounds.

Survival of the Unfit

Tonight, my workout buddy and good friend Lori and I swallowed our collective pride and attended boot camp at the YMCA. The good news is we survived without humiliating ourselves. It is embarassing at how out of shape I have become in only 55 years! UGH! This is going to be a long process but it will be worth every bead of sweat, aching muscle, crunch (not the Captain variety), lunge, and step when I am healthier and have my heart in better shape. Lori and I both learned a valuable lesson tonight - do not eat right before boot camp. At least an hour needs to be between the time of your meal and exercise. We received encouragement from a woman who has lost 100 pounds in a year! She was a great motivator and encouraged us to just keep moving and to not give up.

Tomorrow is a workout on the treadmill - more fun to come!

Weight loss this week was 3 pounds. I will take it.

Missing those who have gone on . . .

This weekend I've been thinking about those who have passed away. Of course the person that I think of most is my mom's mother, Mamaw Litteral. Her favorite hymn was "How Great Thou Art". The words have been going through my head for the past few weeks:

O Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder. Consider all, the world thy hands have made. I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder, Thy power throughout, the universe displayed;

When thru the woods and forest glades I wander And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees; When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur And hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze;

And when I think that God, His Son not sparing , Sent Him to die, I scare can take it in; That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing,He bled and died to take away my sin;

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart! Then I shall bow in humble adoration And there proclaim, MY GOD HOW GREAT THOU ART!

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee; How great Thou art, how great Thou art! Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee; How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

Almost 40 years have passed and a day doesn't go by that I don't think of and miss her. I think she would have loved the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLLMzr3PFgk&feature=related

Another week down

Another week down another weigh in to go. All in all it has been a good week. Since the muffin incident I have been to Tazza Mia three times with no slips. My friend Lin gave me some suggestions for fat free muffins I can make myself - thanks Lin, I picked up the fat free blueberry and will make them for breakfast for next week. I love the advice and suggestions from my friends.

Twenty-nine days and a wake up until Cancun! I can't wait to take walks on the beach. Exercising on the beach will be a treat. I'm also looking forward to starting my workouts next week at the Y with my friend Lori.

I want to say thank you to a group of people today who went out of their way to be kind an accommodating. There are still people who believe in customer service. The Cincinnati Reds may not enjoy a winning season, but they do have a winning team of people that work for their organization.

Remember the families and those who lost their lives 10 years ago as a result of a vicious, hateful act. May we never have to experience that type of hatred again.

Y-M-C-A

I have been out of pocket for a few days. I have a bad cold and some old habits threatened to come back. We know the old saying, "Feed a cold; starve a fever." Well, I was afraid to the point of shaking that my belief the cure for the common cold was comfort food was going to take over and slap the common sense right out of me. For the most part I did well; lots of water and vitamin water.

I did suffer a small slip yesterday. I was so cold and really craving a good cup of coffee. I walked over to my favorite coffee place Tazza Mia in the Chiquita building. Now it has been a while since I visited Tazza Mia; they probably think I'm in the witness protection program because I was a twice daily visitor. Coffee and a white chocolate scone for breakfast and on some days that afternoon coffee screamed for a molasses cookie with vanilla bean icing. Can you believe I wonder why I'm overweight? I did have my coffee, but I couldn't pass up the cranberry walnut muffin. I guess on the positive I only ate the bottom portion and didn't add a muffin top to my own muffin top. The good news is that even though I had a slip I didn't stay on the path and didn't beat myself up. Today was a new day.

I have now rejoined the Y-M-C-A and have gained a workout partner in my friend Lori. I'm excited to start a workout program again and to be working out with a good friend. Double the benefits.

Weigh In Day

Today is weigh in day. To say I was nervous is an understatement. However, the scale was kind and I am down 6 pounds! Thanks Bethenny for the daily workouts.

The YMCA is offering no signing fee until September 17th. I believe it will be a stop on my way home one night this week. I think with a little variety I will be more successful. Anyone else belong to the YMCA who is looking for a workout partner?

I have had a wonderful day with CeCe. She is such a sweet little girl. She is cooing and jabbering up a storm. She was 4 months on August 27th and she weighs 14 lbs. 4 oz and is 25 1/4" long. She has been talking to her Papaw today and spent a good amount of time on Mamaw's lap. I'm glad my parents were able to spend time with her today. Time like this is so precious. It did my heart good to see my mom walking through the kitchen carrying CeCe. CeCe is all fed, dry and snug in bed sleeping like a little angel.

All in all, a very good day weight wise and Nana T wise.

I miss my two best friends. One I will see in a few weeks; the other not for a long time. I pray for them both every day.

TG for the Weekend

Does anyone else feel like they are living in a sauna? This heat and humidity makes me feel nauseous, lazy and all I really want to do it sit in the house with a book and my bottles of water.

A mid-morning trip to the Farmer's Market was the high point of my day. Scott Farms has had the best peaches this year and I got the last of them. In fact, I think when I finish this entry I'm going to have a second one.

Life is too short to not enjoy the simple things; a bottle of cold water, air conditioning and yes, peaches from Scott Farms are a few of the things I am thankful for today.

Tomorrow I have my precious second granddaughter, CeCe overnight. I am happy to spend this time with her one on one. Sometimes I don't feel like I have the bond with her that I have with Jill. Of course she is ony 4 months old, so it is too early to tell if she likes me or not. I love CeCe with the same intensity as I do Jill. It is a careful balance with a three year old who has had her Nana T all to herself and now sharing that time with CeCe. Jill has been adjusting better than her Nana T.

Tomorrow is also weigh in day. It makes me a little sick to my stomach. I hate failing - again I put more pressure on myself than anyone else. Maybe because it is more important to me than anyone else. Another crazy thing I have to figure out about myself.

Wishing everyone a fun and safe Labor Day weekend.

Hot Fat

What was I thinking?

I left The Fringe Salon feeling cool for a variety of reasons; I have the best hair stylist - Missy Lee. I walked in feeling frumpy and old - I walked out feeling rejuvinated by new color and highlights and a very cool new accessory. She has such a calming and peaceful spirit; I always leave feeling more relaxed and very centered.

Wanting to support my nephew who is on Injured Reserve for the Cooper High School Freshman football team I went to watch the freshman football game. I now know what chicken and okra feel like in the skillet.  Sitting on those metal bleachers in all my fat glory I wondered what in the world I was thinking. I felt like I had been dipped in batter and dropped in the frying pan. So, right after the third quarter began I had to get out of there or throw up all over the Cov Cath fans sitting around my sister and I. Taylor, I'm sorry I didn't make it through the whole game; but really who expected to be sitting in 90+ temps watching high school football? I wish I would have had the funeral home fan concession this afternoon. I probably could have put a good down payment on full body sculpting.

This evening taught me a very important lesson on this journey - hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. I thought I was doing a good job of getting all my water. Apparently not. Lesson learned today was make sure I drink more water than I think I really need and the only thing hot fat is good for is frying chicken, okra or fried pies, all which are off my diet. Weigh in on Sunday. Hoping for a good result. Thanks Bethenny Frankel for my early wake up call. If you could only prepare a nutritious breakfast as well - - a fat girl can dream.

Blessings

I know God has blessed me in many ways. I have mostly wonderful family; amazing friends; some have been in my life since I was a child and others have come more recently into my life. It is amazing to me how people who have only known me a short amount of time can be the source of great encouragement. Comments I have received on my last post made me laugh out loud; touched my heart and made me even more grateful for all the wonderful people in my life.

Bethenny Frankel is my new best friend. She is very cheerful first thing in the morning and not nearly as scary as walking in the dark past two cememtaries. Although I imagine if she was standing in front of me while I was doing her workout program I would not find her so cheerful. I can imagine her turning into Jillian from Biggest Loser and making me cry like a littel girl. Last year I was doing boot camp twice a week and doing strength training one - two days a week. This is my goal - - to get back to working out three to four days a week. I felt better; I was a nicer person and there was a lot less stress in my life. I'm looking for someone to work out with - I do better when I am accountable to someone else. I know my strengths and weaknesses. Left to my own devices I will crumble like a chocolate chip cookie.

Weigh in on Sunday morning. Keeping my fingers crossed and putting the cookies down.

Lessons in Sensitivity

Over the years I have heard so many insensitive comments made to people who have weight issues. Those said to me personally and the response I wish I had made instead of getting my feelings hurt are:

1 - From a super skinny former co-worker - "I am so fat. I can't believe I have let myself get this big."

          "Me either; apparently you lack brain to mouth coordination which is why have so little self-confidence that you have to say insensitive things to others to feel better about yourself."

2 - "I would like you much better if you were skinny."

          "If you don't like me at this size I doubt you would like me if I were skinny. I'm still the same person."

3 - "Oh you look so cute. When are you due?"

          "Thank you, 31 years ago. The part that makes me feel great is that you think I look young enough to be in my child bearing years; the part that make me feel like crap is that you think I am so fat that I look pregnant."

And my all time favorite - -

4 - "You are too fat to date."

          "And you are too ignorant to take up any more of my time - your loss."

The lesson is whatever you say to someone makes a difference. You can create a positive feeling or you can hurt someone very deeply. Our words have consequences. I have two wonderful young women at work who every day say to me and each other, "You look so nice today; or Wow, you are having a really good hair day; or I think that outfit makes you look thinner." I can't tell you how many days those simple phrases have made me smile and believe that maybe I don't look as bad as I think. We are our own worse critics; we see the imperfections others don't. We all need to remember that in God's eyes we are all perfect because we have been made in His image.

And the journey continues . . .

It's Scary at 4:30 in the morning . . .

The alarm goes off and my feet hit the floor. I am out the door at 4:30 a.m. to the very surprised look of my dog Max. I'm going for a walk. It must have been way too early for Max, he raised his head yawned and then laid back down, eyes closed and back to dreamland he went. I press on. For those of you who don't know, I live in very rural Boone County. One would think at 4:30 in the morning there wouldn't be much traffic on the backroads at that time - wrong assumption. I was asked by a co-worker today if there were sidewalks - city slicker! No sidewalks but two cemetaries make for an eerie early morning walk. I have never been afraid living here; this morning walking on the road in the dark did give a case of the heebie jeebies, but I didn't turn around; I walked until 5:30 then came back, showered and got ready for work. Another fear faced. Tomorrow morning I'm exercising with my Body by Bethenny dvd.

The walk also gives me time to think about the journey. I have a ton of habits I need to change, but I know I can't change them all at once; it is a process, just like my walk it is a marathon not a sprint so I need to pace myself and learn patience.

My friends and family who have known me since I was a child know that vegetables were never a favorite when I was growing up. I can't count the times I've stubbornly sat at the table refusing to eat the vegetables on my plate. Tonight, dinner was a veggie flatbread sammich from Subway; all the veggies but olives. This I can enjoy. My day started with a scrambled egg sammich and orange juice. Lunch was a serving of turkey meatloaf and cooked apples. No snacking in between meals and lots of water was the goal for the day. I am happy to say so far I've been able to accomplish this goal.

Day 1 down, many more to go. Thanks for the positive thoughts and encouragement. It is appreciated more than I can express.

And So It Begins

Who is the FAT WOMAN in this picture? How did I get to this place? Metabolism, genetics? After spending the weekend watching endless TV, eating because the food is there and trying to find clothes that will fit my ever expanding fat behind, I've decided enough is enough! It is time to get moving; not to the refrigerator, but a move to become healthier and to take the steps to like myself again.

I have always been a people pleaser. Wanting to do whatever it took to make people like me; even if it meant that I didn't like me or the person I would be. I never thought I was good enough or deserving of happiness. It all comes down to believing you are worthy. Finally, at almost 55 years old I have come to the realization I am worthy.

I have a beautiful daughter and two perfect granddaughters. They are the joy of my life. I want to be here for them. I want to be here for my daughter; I want to be the fun Nana for my granddaughters. I want to be here for my friends, family and most importantly I want to live. Come along with me on this journey; perhaps we can cry, laugh and encourage each other along the way.