Blessings

I know God has blessed me in many ways. I have mostly wonderful family; amazing friends; some have been in my life since I was a child and others have come more recently into my life. It is amazing to me how people who have only known me a short amount of time can be the source of great encouragement. Comments I have received on my last post made me laugh out loud; touched my heart and made me even more grateful for all the wonderful people in my life.

Bethenny Frankel is my new best friend. She is very cheerful first thing in the morning and not nearly as scary as walking in the dark past two cememtaries. Although I imagine if she was standing in front of me while I was doing her workout program I would not find her so cheerful. I can imagine her turning into Jillian from Biggest Loser and making me cry like a littel girl. Last year I was doing boot camp twice a week and doing strength training one - two days a week. This is my goal - - to get back to working out three to four days a week. I felt better; I was a nicer person and there was a lot less stress in my life. I'm looking for someone to work out with - I do better when I am accountable to someone else. I know my strengths and weaknesses. Left to my own devices I will crumble like a chocolate chip cookie.

Weigh in on Sunday morning. Keeping my fingers crossed and putting the cookies down.

Lessons in Sensitivity

Over the years I have heard so many insensitive comments made to people who have weight issues. Those said to me personally and the response I wish I had made instead of getting my feelings hurt are:

1 - From a super skinny former co-worker - "I am so fat. I can't believe I have let myself get this big."

          "Me either; apparently you lack brain to mouth coordination which is why have so little self-confidence that you have to say insensitive things to others to feel better about yourself."

2 - "I would like you much better if you were skinny."

          "If you don't like me at this size I doubt you would like me if I were skinny. I'm still the same person."

3 - "Oh you look so cute. When are you due?"

          "Thank you, 31 years ago. The part that makes me feel great is that you think I look young enough to be in my child bearing years; the part that make me feel like crap is that you think I am so fat that I look pregnant."

And my all time favorite - -

4 - "You are too fat to date."

          "And you are too ignorant to take up any more of my time - your loss."

The lesson is whatever you say to someone makes a difference. You can create a positive feeling or you can hurt someone very deeply. Our words have consequences. I have two wonderful young women at work who every day say to me and each other, "You look so nice today; or Wow, you are having a really good hair day; or I think that outfit makes you look thinner." I can't tell you how many days those simple phrases have made me smile and believe that maybe I don't look as bad as I think. We are our own worse critics; we see the imperfections others don't. We all need to remember that in God's eyes we are all perfect because we have been made in His image.

And the journey continues . . .

It's Scary at 4:30 in the morning . . .

The alarm goes off and my feet hit the floor. I am out the door at 4:30 a.m. to the very surprised look of my dog Max. I'm going for a walk. It must have been way too early for Max, he raised his head yawned and then laid back down, eyes closed and back to dreamland he went. I press on. For those of you who don't know, I live in very rural Boone County. One would think at 4:30 in the morning there wouldn't be much traffic on the backroads at that time - wrong assumption. I was asked by a co-worker today if there were sidewalks - city slicker! No sidewalks but two cemetaries make for an eerie early morning walk. I have never been afraid living here; this morning walking on the road in the dark did give a case of the heebie jeebies, but I didn't turn around; I walked until 5:30 then came back, showered and got ready for work. Another fear faced. Tomorrow morning I'm exercising with my Body by Bethenny dvd.

The walk also gives me time to think about the journey. I have a ton of habits I need to change, but I know I can't change them all at once; it is a process, just like my walk it is a marathon not a sprint so I need to pace myself and learn patience.

My friends and family who have known me since I was a child know that vegetables were never a favorite when I was growing up. I can't count the times I've stubbornly sat at the table refusing to eat the vegetables on my plate. Tonight, dinner was a veggie flatbread sammich from Subway; all the veggies but olives. This I can enjoy. My day started with a scrambled egg sammich and orange juice. Lunch was a serving of turkey meatloaf and cooked apples. No snacking in between meals and lots of water was the goal for the day. I am happy to say so far I've been able to accomplish this goal.

Day 1 down, many more to go. Thanks for the positive thoughts and encouragement. It is appreciated more than I can express.

And So It Begins

Who is the FAT WOMAN in this picture? How did I get to this place? Metabolism, genetics? After spending the weekend watching endless TV, eating because the food is there and trying to find clothes that will fit my ever expanding fat behind, I've decided enough is enough! It is time to get moving; not to the refrigerator, but a move to become healthier and to take the steps to like myself again.

I have always been a people pleaser. Wanting to do whatever it took to make people like me; even if it meant that I didn't like me or the person I would be. I never thought I was good enough or deserving of happiness. It all comes down to believing you are worthy. Finally, at almost 55 years old I have come to the realization I am worthy.

I have a beautiful daughter and two perfect granddaughters. They are the joy of my life. I want to be here for them. I want to be here for my daughter; I want to be the fun Nana for my granddaughters. I want to be here for my friends, family and most importantly I want to live. Come along with me on this journey; perhaps we can cry, laugh and encourage each other along the way.